Fantasy, Confidence and Success

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Most successful people conduct themselves confidently.  I think they do so based on a foundation of past successes that they recall.  They establish a pattern of success in their lives, and then they expect to continue in that pattern when new experiences arise.  But what happens when people are confronted by a setback?  They begin to question themselves and re-evaluate their approach.  They become more tentative.

Some of this evaluation after a failure is constructive.  Strategies and approaches need to be continuously adapted to meet the challenges of new circumstances.  The challenge comes when the re-evaluation is over and it is time to act again.  A person must try to act decisively even though they may feel much less confident given their recent experiences.  How do people maintain their confidence during these moments of change and adaptation?

Athletes are taught to visualise themselves being successful.  And this practice can be used in other endeavors, as well.  But even without this technique, some internal process has to occur inside a person to make them confident that a refactored approach will be successful.  They have to conduct themselves confidently even though there may not be an empirical basis for that confidence, given the lack of past success under the new approach.

So what is this process that people use to navigate these periods of uncertainty?  I believe it comes down to an application of will, which I would further describe as a surety rooted in faith (not necessarily a religious faith).  And if the chance of success is improbable, then I will further assert that the surety can be rooted in fantasy.

I think fantasy, in this context, is somewhat akin to creativity in the sense that a person trying to succeed against difficult odds uses their will to imagine themselves succeeding, and then they try to make it a reality.  This is often a very courageous act because of the tendency to be tentative in the face of prior failure that I mentioned above.

In the (American) National Football League they often talk about the need for players to have short memories.  If a player makes a bad play, they need to block it out and focus their minds on being successful on subsequent plays.  So maybe this application of will that I'm talking about is really the act of focusing the mind on the potential for a positive outcome, and the rejection of the potential for negative outcomes.

I have had one shining moment of atheletic achievement in my life.  I was playing for a recreational softball team, and we reached the playoffs.  In the late innings of the first playoff game, our team had winning runners on base, and I came to bat.  An uncanny feeling of confidence came over me as I stood at the plate.  I felt certain I was going to hit that ball.  It was like in a video game where a ball of energy forms around a character before they unleash a powerful strike.  I hit the ball, the runners scored and we won the game.  What I remember about being at bat was I lost myself in the moment.  I don't remember seeing the ball, I don't remember swinging the bat.  I just remember making contact and running.

What caused this mental condition?  I couldn't tell you, exactly.  I think some of it was caused by the dynamic of our team mentality in that game.  We were hot as a team, and I think I fed off of that.  I do take some individual credit, as well.  I remember being very determined to succeed in that game.

Unfortunately, we were not able to repeat our success in the next playoff game.  Our team was cold, and I don't think I was even able to get on base.  I remember being frustrated in that game because that magical feeling from the prior game was still fresh in my mind.  But I couldn't re-ignite the magic.  I remember standing at the plate and trying to swing for the fences.  I think my error was in trying to seek that confidence in the physical realm when it was clearly mental in origin.

Success is something everyone has fantasized about.  As the years have passed, I've developed an ever-increasing appreciation for the mental component of success.  When I read thrilling fantasy it fills my heart with a feeling that I liken to that feeling of potential energy I felt during that softball game.  Fantasy is mythological food for the soul.  It fills my heart with inspiration, and then the challenge is to focus that energy with a disciplined mind.

A Warrior Blends with Life

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I own a book by this title, and I've found it to be an engaging and enlightening read.  I've read it a few times over the years, although I haven't read it recently.  But the title of this book came to mind this week, and has stayed on my mind.  If you follow my blog you may have read an earlier post where I mentioned that a person in my life is struggling with addiction.  And, actually, I fear that another person I know may also be struggling with it.

I've been uneasy this week and not sleeping well.  Perhaps it's stress from work, perhaps it's related to these people suffering with addiction, or perhaps it's something else.  I'm not totally sure.  One thing I do know, however, is that meditation has been an invaluable aid in calming me.  If I didn't practice meditation I doubt whether I'd be able to function in the world.  Most writers have active imaginations and analytical minds; and what sometimes comes along with those attributes, at least in my case, is a racing and uncontrollable mind.  Some years ago I read a book called "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying".  It's a tremendous book that I recommend to anyone who has an interest in eastern philosophy and/or Buddhism.  I believe this is the book that gave me my first practical instruction in meditation.  It's actually really easy to do--but it takes discipline and concentration.  I won't go into techniques here--just Google it and you should find a wealth of information.

A Warrior Blends with Life.  What does that mean?  I often think of life as a series of rivers and patterns.  For instance, I was driving this morning and the illusory nature of reality felt palpable.  "How often do I take this drive?"  I asked myself.  "What am I thinking about while I do it?"  Then a thought struck me: "Will I remember any of this drive in five or ten years?"  "Will I look back fondly and wish I remembered it more vividly?"  "Will I feel like I'd pay any amount of money to come back to this day and re-live this drive with my family members?"  "What would I say to them?"  But I think that life is like a river.  You can try to grab a handful of water, but what good does it do?  It's best to accept the nature of the river, become a part of it, and never take it for granted.  When my mind wanders I can find myself disturbingly disconnected from what is happening around me.  Sometimes I like to let my mind wander, but there is always a price to be paid when one "tunes out" from the Now.  You miss things.

So maybe "blending with life" means that we should try to discard unnecessary thoughts and focus our attention on our journey and on Now.  We all have to plan and analyze, but our minds can be undisciplined.  Meditation helps me to control my overactive mind and blend with life; and by blending with life I'm able to be at peace with it, and try to experience it in all of its richness.

Still, even armed with an invaluable tool like meditation, we all face moments of crisis where nothing we do seems to alleviate our suffering.  Intoxication of any kind can distract us from suffering.  I think the constructive purpose of intoxication is to allow us to temporarily step aside from reality so that we can consider it from a new perspective--to let our mind's eye float above the river--looking down on it, and thinking about where we've been and where we can go.  I believe it is meant to be a quasi shamanic experience.  And I think it can become dangerous when it is engaged in with habitual frequency.  The insidious thing about intoxication is it seems harmless until suddenly it isn't.  How many of us can recognize that tipping point?  My friends struggling with addiction couldn't.  I think the addict begins to think that the flying is as real as the floating on the river.  Though they still perceive their real selves floating below them in the water--still subject to the eddies and currents (the implications of their actions)--they continue to remain in a disconnected state.

A Warrior Blends with Life.  Please stay in the river.  Don't make a habit of flying too often; and when you do, do it for the right reasons.  Just some humble advice from someone who, by my own admission, is ignorant and stumbling in the darkness.  But I haven't fallen into any deep pits yet, and I am trying to light my candle.

The Danger of Fantasy

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Fantasy can be used as a tool to help one navigate the passage from the comfortable cocoon of childhood and adolescence to the (at times) stark reality of adulthood.  Fantasy frames what could be perceived as the pointless and brutal struggle of living in the more comforting terms of an epic quest.  Fantasy, when used according to its greatest purpose, helps people cope with and interpret reality: it adds meaning to their lives, enriching them.  

But is there a dark side to fantasy?  I'm afraid the answer is yes.  An overindulgence in fantasy can leave a person un-moored from the realities of life.  And this can cause people to turn toward negative behaviors like addiction.  By overindulging in fantasy I believe a person gradually replaces a foundation of empirical reality with one based on imagination.  Instead of fantasy providing a frame of reference for reality, it becomes a false reality. 

Unfortunately, I'm fairly certain I've witnessed a person traveling down this negative path.  This experience is probably the reason why I haven't written much in recent days.  It's hard when a person that you cherish and that you feel is composed of similar "DNA" to your own comes off the rails of life.  Because of this, I've been doing a lot of soul searching to reassure myself that I'm not heading down a self-delusional path myself.

I've emerged from this recent "funk" with renewed confidence that a moderate indulgence in fantasy is indeed virtuous.  But I also now have a direct understanding that overindulgence can be very dangerous.  I'm still thinking about what impact these recent experiences will have on my fantasy writing.  I've thought of a few things already--and they will be "baked" into Hemlock Book III (both consciously and unconsciously).

In the meantime, if you are a lover of fantasy like I am, just make sure to keep your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds.  Whatever your reality is--it's fundamentally OK.  Even if you're in an adverse environment--it's best to accept that fact and chart a course toward better climes.  Fantasy can help you chart that course, and to persevere while on your quest.  Use it wisely and in moderation, and be careful out there.

Interstitial

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I am taking a bit of a break from writing, and settling into a routine of work, socializing, and playing a really addictive video game (Minecraft multi-player).  I am still "working" on the next Hemlock novel though.  I have been getting a lot of ideas for the story and dutifully writing them all down.  At some point soon I will probably work up a formal outline of the plot and character arcs and try to pull all of my ideas together into  something cohesive.  But this next step probably won't happen until the fall.  I'm just in one of those interstitial phases where I need to re-charge my writing batteries.

I'm not sure if other writers take extended breaks like this.  But I know I'm just not ready to begin writing the new novel yet.  I tend to need a break between big projects.  And I'm loathe to get too distracted by side writing projects because I *am* working on the next Hemlock novel in the sense that I am in the process of  imagining it.  I've blogged about how I come up with story ideas before, so I won't go into detail about that other than saying that it feels more like a process of discovery than a process of invention.  And the discovery process just takes some time...

So I don't have a lot to report about writing other than to say that I am very excited about finally writing Hemlock III despite not being in much of a hurry to actually begin writing it.  It's going to deliver in terms of wrapping up Hemlock's story.  But (and this was a revelation to me last week) it may not be the end of Hemlock's story.  There could be additional books beyond III.  But III is going to represent a major, major resolution to the conflicts in the series.  Anything that comes beyond Book III will have to be something of a "reboot" of the "universe".  But it will be possible.  And only a week before I was convinced it wouldn't be! So I did get some new ideas, obviously.

I hope you are having a good summer wherever you are!

Hemlock and the Wizard Tower Permanently Free

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A few announcements about Hemlock and the Wizard Tower:  first and foremost, it is now free across all platforms in the US (I'm still working out how to offer it for free on Amazon's international sites).

Second, I've gone all "George Lucas" on your collective posteriors and re-written the beginning of the book.  Why?  Well, if you've read the book recently, then you may remember that it was a bit difficult to "get into".  After some recent, candid feedback, I've finally admitted to myself that the first chapter had some severe issues.  It was very heavy on backstory and it was particularly flashback heavy, which several reviewers had commented on.  Although most readers grow to enjoy the flashbacks, I feel that their onset was too abrupt and extreme, and therefore I've dialed them back a quite a bit at the beginning.  Plus, there was the matter of Hemlock's confrontation with the 'legendary defenses' of the Tower.  Many months ago I said in an interview that there was no reason for those sequences to be flashbacks rather than part of the action.  Their origin as flashbacks came from the seat of the pants way I wrote the book.  For this revision I ended up integrating them directly into the action.

You may wonder if there are any new scenes.  The answer is yes.  There is a new scene between Safreon and Hemlock that sets the stage for her entering the Tower against his wishes, and there's also an action scene detailing her encounter with her first Tanna Varran (rather than recalling this encounter as a flashback).

I really think it's a positive revision, and, to be honest, I wish I'd done it a year ago.  Better late than never, I suppose.  For those of you who want the revised version, I will be asking Amazon to offer an update (and Smashwords always offers updates, if you bought there).  For those that can't or won't update, I also plan to post the revised first chapter here on this blog.  Keep an eye out for the link in the toolbar, above.

I'm dubbing this new edition of Hemlock and the Wizard Tower "4th edition".  Just so you know, I've made a vow not to go beyond a 10th edition.  Of course I haven't ruled out non-numeric editions (eg: "Ludicrous Edition").  Like any good politician or lawyer, I've left myself a loophole!

Quatrain

It wasn't that I was particularly inspired or otherwise motivated to begin this treatise--rather it was a strange compulsion that compelled my fingers to rest upon the keys and begin to type.  The typing was frictionless--words flowed unbidden and unhindered, and played upon the kaliedescope of virtual paper like swans floating on a technicolor lake.  They were white in their purity, but no conclusions resulted from their conveyance.  They were immobile: zero force, but their potential energy was palpable.  Something was forming and I couldn't tell what.  Now I see, though.  Words exist in harmony with thoughts and thoughts exist in harmony with music and music exists in harmony with the beats of the cosmos.  There is no beginning or end: only a blending of one into the other.  Polychromatic joy is all that is left when one takes a holistic view.  And I do.

It was upon this flimsy framework that Tiberius Bach was born.  Conceived in a stream of notes and born into a silicon typewriter that framed bytes that formed words but were really just a bunch of zeroes and ones when it came right down to it.  Another frame of reference thing, surely.  But Tiberius floated there and his embryonic form slipped from timeframe to timeframe.  He plotted to have a plot.  He schemed to have a theme.  But none of these were guaranteed and he accepted his limitations.  TB understood that his existence was tenuous.  He thinks that chaos will be his guide and he's write.  But upon the sixty spines of the temporal dragon he ignores the warnings and jumps into the pool of night.  He isn't scared of the anti-infinity there and when death reaches out a skeletal hand TB grabs it.  And so his life/death begins again and he stands on the checkerboard and screams out "Mate!".  But there is no King.

Multiple eddies of the unconscious begin to form around him and the white and black squares fade away.  Suddenly he is fringed in blue and and the Quatrain looms ahead.  The headlight mocks him as it approaches, though he is beyond reproach.  Nonetheless, TB steps aside as the wooden planks of a platform form underfoot and the rushing air whooshes, and then there is silence.  A glistening, black railcar looms in front of him.  He steps aboard knowing full well that there is nothing else to do.  Somewhere a whistle screeches and the iron will shudders to life.  He wanders through a dimly lit car full of boasting brocade that seems wondrous and mysterious--like a heaving bosom--but a passing light spoils the illusion.  TB sits wearily, for the passage into being has tired him.  Tinny vocals fill the train car as he tries to relax.  But his heart is pounding relentlessly in time with the dull sound of of the tracks that glide by beneath steel wheels.  He thinks of the conductor for a moment.  But he's wise enough to sit and wait.

Insular feelings enclose him.  There's still time to listen to Dante and abandon hope.  But there's a station ahead.  It calls to him like a carrion bird.  It holds his greatest pleasure and his descent into madness.  Suddenly, the duality repulses him and he yearns for the yin-yang singularity of the checkerboard.  But there is no shelter in absolutes in the station.  Only putrescent corpses animated and dancing to a thousand songs simultaneously.  Surely the minstrel is a madman, yet the dance continues, and the corpses seem none the wiser.  And how they laugh between wails of agony.  "Is this all I can hope for?" thinks TB.  As the train stops he is filled with purpose.  I conducts his own invisible orchestra with a feral ferocity.  Song number one thousand one joins the party and many decaying faces turn toward him.  He plots to kill the minstrel.  "I am greater!"  But when he finally focuses on the orchestra pit he sees a thousand versions of himself dressed in bloody tuxedos and shooting the finger.  The conductor laughs from behind him and kicks him in the back.  TB hits the platform hard and the ego-sense is knocked right out of him.  "That was a close one," we muses.

On Villainy II

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I've been reflecting on villains again during my ramp up to writing Book III of the Hemlock series.  A TV show we're watching caught my eye because I think they've actually gone overboard in the villainy department.  We are in the tail end of the latest season of this show, and I've been feeling oddly disengaged from it as compared with prior seasons.  In this show, through various plot developments, all of the heroes have temporarily left the vicinity of the villains, and conflicts are playing out within the two separated groups.  I think this is a narrative mistake.

When you have a conflict between two sympathetic characters I think the reader is almost by definition less engaged than when the conflict is between a sympathetic character and an un-sympathetic character.  And I think the same is true of conflicts between two un-sympathetic characters.

In this TV show, there were actually three villains and an unsympathetic but somewhat less villainous fourth character.  As the plot developed, the fourth character reacted to abuse by the other three by going psycho.  So now you have a very unsympathetic character raining down crazy on three other villains.  As the three react by weeping and further abusing one another, I am finding myself feeling apathetic.  I just don't particularly care whether these villains are suffering.  I don't have a character that I'm identifying with in the struggle.  I'm disconnected.  I imagine the intent of the writing is probably to have the viewer enjoy the irony of the other villains being tormented by another villain, but it's just not working for me.  It just seems like a sad spectacle.

I think a good, compelling story should always be underpinned by a strong conflict between heroes and  villains--especially in epic fantasy.  And I am actually critical of my own work in this department.  I've been a big fan of shades of gray villains, but this recent experience has made me re-think how I'm presenting my villains and my conflicts.  Rest assured that Hemlock "Book III" will have a very strong conflict between hero and villain.

On the book III front, I'm in the process of assembling snippets of writing from the various scenes that are coming together in my mind.  I think I'm getting close to the point where I could create a chapter outline, but I'm debating whether I should.  I don't want to loose the magic of "pantsing" so I will probably wait for a good block of time to present itself, and then just start writing.