Fighting the Hum-Bug

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I have turned into something of a holiday hater lately.  I think my problem is that I always surf close to the edge of what I can accomplish and/or endure.  So the additional stressors that the holidays bring usually put me over the edge.  I become slightly manic.  Last year I was pulling all-nighters trying to finish my second novel right around Christmas.  I'm not doing that this year.  But, even so, I am feeling a strong pull to write.  And, so far, I am having little time to devote to writing.  This makes me feel a bit "Scroogey".

Some good things are happening, though.  I am getting the flashes of inspiration that I rely on to fuel my writing.  And the scenes that are taking time to reach in the manuscript (due to delays in my writing progress) are benefiting from the extra time "in the oven".  They are going to be more vividly realized once I finally get to write them.

I've also been contemplating what I will write after Hemlock Book III.  My latest thinking is this:  while Book III is going to be a strong conclusion to Hemlock's story, it may not be the end of it.  But I will probably write something different after Book III.  Right now I am considering a novel based in a fantasy world called Zhune that I conceived many years ago.  I need to sit down and think about how it would fit into novel form, but the good news is that the "imagineering" is already done for this story.  So I would be able to sit down and just start writing.  That would be a nice benefit to that project.  I also have another novel idea on the back burner.  This one is more of an urban fantasy, and concerns the role of fantasy in our modern lives.

I hope you are feeling more festive than I am.  I did catch an old stop motion animated Rudolph TV show last night.  It brought me back to my childhood years, and I think it helped me "reconnect" with Christmas just a little.  There is hope for me yet!  I wish you all the best over the holidays, and in the new year!

Unexpected Inspiration

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I just finished reading a great fantasy book.  I won't name the book because it really doesn't matter, and I'm not interested in turning this post into a book review.  Like many good books I read, this one made me take stock of my own writing and think about ways I can improve.  This book started from a place that I typically hold in disdain: it didn't bother explaining much about setting or world, instead relying on the collected conventions and archetypes of the established fantasy worlds that have come before it.  But, man, was it well written within these limitations!  Sure, the book could be branded as an official genre novel for a popular fantasy role playing game.  But, dangit, it was a fun read!  It's a book I never could have written: what with my penchant for odd locales, a touch of weirdness, and heaps of earnest drama.  But this book is nothing less than another author fully realizing their creative vision within their own parameters.  It was an excellent read!

I once read that any good book carries the essence of its author between and among the words of the story.  Each book is an individually crafted set of words that should collectively invoke the spirit of the author.  This book I just read succeeded in doing that.  For instance, one thing I now know about this author is they would make an unparalleled fantasy game master (as a side note I am fortunate enough to have another one of these as a close friend!).  This is also a person who understands emotion and has a sensitivity to people.  His characters were warmly and lovingly rendered.

I think this book will influence my forthcoming novel (Hemlock Book III).  I really admired the characterization and set piece battles in this book.  I typically don't drag out my battle sequences for an entire chapter like this author did.  But his account of a climactic battle didn't descend in miscellany or get boring--rather, it was like a small play unto itself with well defined acts and a satisfying climax.

Sometimes I get tired of reading fantasy because it permeates so much of my life between writing, gaming and media consumption.  But this book has reaffirmed the importance of a genre writer keeping up with the works in their genre.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!  I'm not sure if I'll blog again before the New Year; but, if not, please have a safe and happy New Year celebration as well!  I'll be busy writing over the holidays unless I get ensnared by something unexpected.

Metaphysics, Artificial Intelligence, Book III

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I feel like I've been sifting in the sand for fragments of metaphysical relics only to realize that unbeknownst to me I've been kneeling in the center of Stonehenge.  Over the past few months I've discovered two new influences in my intellectual life: A.A. Attanasio and Terrence McKenna.  I just finished A.A. Attanasio's impressive novel Radix.  It is a sci-fi and metaphysical roller coaster ride of epic proportions!!!  I strongly recommend it.  It's amazing to me that I'd never heard of Mr. Attanasio until recently.  And to think he's written many more books!  What adventures await me!

I've been discovering Terrence McKenna over the past few weeks. I am finding his ideas to be fascinating, and his spoken delivery is utterly compelling.  I haven’t given myself over to McKenna’s world view quite yet (note that I am not talking about his drug use--I believe meditation should be used instead of drugs to achieve trance-like states) ; but I am certainly digesting it and weighing it, and I know I’ll never think the same now that I've been exposed to his ideas.  I recently watched one of his YouTube lectures called “Shamans Among the Machines” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6P6Nq8JoY). He seemed to be convinced that the so-called artificial intelligence “singularity” is inevitable. I read a book advancing the same notion by Ray Kurzweil called “The Age of Spiritual Machines”.

As a computer programmer, I’m not sure I agree that machines will achieve true consciousness. If one accepts that we will be able to model the human brain in silicon then I suppose there isn't a strong non-metaphysical argument against machine consciousness. But I believe I recently read that scientists have discovered another layer of complexity below the neuron. What if the brain is like a fractal construct of layered complexity down to the atomic level? On the other hand, the Dalai Lama has stated that he believes a “soul” could manifest through a sufficiently advanced machine.

Outside of the machine "clone" of a human brain, the problem I have is that I can’t conceive of any human writing software that could model our own consciousness. McKenna asserts that complex systems can exhibit spontaneous increases in “order”. I interpret this to mean that he believes that a consciousness might suddenly flicker to life within the aggregate of the internet. I just don’t see how that could happen given the deterministic nature of machines and software. I suppose neural networks functioning on a vast scale would leave the realm of human reckoning and could take that leap. But I don’t see the internet as a vast interconnection of neural networks yet. Maybe down the line. Microsoft’s new voice translation technology IS apparently using neural networks (http://readwrite.com/2012/11/09/microsoft-demos-a-star-trek-style-universal-translator-video)...

I think that as humans pursue A.I. it’s more likely that we will make asymptotic progress toward an A.I. passing the Turing test, but A.I. may never get “there”. I think cyborgs will be far more interesting—perhaps even the brain will be augmented. And then when the animal “meat” around it dies, perhaps we’ll be faced with the question of whether the remaining machinery, assuming it claims sentience, should really be considered so.

I've recently had a few days off to center myself and to write. They've been glorious despite being somewhat compromised by outside pressures.  The good news is that I've officially started writing Hemlock Book III, and I'm feeling good about the direction it's heading in.  The bad news is I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped I would.  I will be shifting into a "mode" of writing more regularly now, so I still hope to have something ready early next year.  It will probably be a shorter, cheaper installment than Book II.  But if I wait until I have the entire arc for Book III done then I might not finish until 2014.  And that seems unacceptable.

Fantasy, Confidence and Success

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Most successful people conduct themselves confidently.  I think they do so based on a foundation of past successes that they recall.  They establish a pattern of success in their lives, and then they expect to continue in that pattern when new experiences arise.  But what happens when people are confronted by a setback?  They begin to question themselves and re-evaluate their approach.  They become more tentative.

Some of this evaluation after a failure is constructive.  Strategies and approaches need to be continuously adapted to meet the challenges of new circumstances.  The challenge comes when the re-evaluation is over and it is time to act again.  A person must try to act decisively even though they may feel much less confident given their recent experiences.  How do people maintain their confidence during these moments of change and adaptation?

Athletes are taught to visualise themselves being successful.  And this practice can be used in other endeavors, as well.  But even without this technique, some internal process has to occur inside a person to make them confident that a refactored approach will be successful.  They have to conduct themselves confidently even though there may not be an empirical basis for that confidence, given the lack of past success under the new approach.

So what is this process that people use to navigate these periods of uncertainty?  I believe it comes down to an application of will, which I would further describe as a surety rooted in faith (not necessarily a religious faith).  And if the chance of success is improbable, then I will further assert that the surety can be rooted in fantasy.

I think fantasy, in this context, is somewhat akin to creativity in the sense that a person trying to succeed against difficult odds uses their will to imagine themselves succeeding, and then they try to make it a reality.  This is often a very courageous act because of the tendency to be tentative in the face of prior failure that I mentioned above.

In the (American) National Football League they often talk about the need for players to have short memories.  If a player makes a bad play, they need to block it out and focus their minds on being successful on subsequent plays.  So maybe this application of will that I'm talking about is really the act of focusing the mind on the potential for a positive outcome, and the rejection of the potential for negative outcomes.

I have had one shining moment of atheletic achievement in my life.  I was playing for a recreational softball team, and we reached the playoffs.  In the late innings of the first playoff game, our team had winning runners on base, and I came to bat.  An uncanny feeling of confidence came over me as I stood at the plate.  I felt certain I was going to hit that ball.  It was like in a video game where a ball of energy forms around a character before they unleash a powerful strike.  I hit the ball, the runners scored and we won the game.  What I remember about being at bat was I lost myself in the moment.  I don't remember seeing the ball, I don't remember swinging the bat.  I just remember making contact and running.

What caused this mental condition?  I couldn't tell you, exactly.  I think some of it was caused by the dynamic of our team mentality in that game.  We were hot as a team, and I think I fed off of that.  I do take some individual credit, as well.  I remember being very determined to succeed in that game.

Unfortunately, we were not able to repeat our success in the next playoff game.  Our team was cold, and I don't think I was even able to get on base.  I remember being frustrated in that game because that magical feeling from the prior game was still fresh in my mind.  But I couldn't re-ignite the magic.  I remember standing at the plate and trying to swing for the fences.  I think my error was in trying to seek that confidence in the physical realm when it was clearly mental in origin.

Success is something everyone has fantasized about.  As the years have passed, I've developed an ever-increasing appreciation for the mental component of success.  When I read thrilling fantasy it fills my heart with a feeling that I liken to that feeling of potential energy I felt during that softball game.  Fantasy is mythological food for the soul.  It fills my heart with inspiration, and then the challenge is to focus that energy with a disciplined mind.

A Warrior Blends with Life

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I own a book by this title, and I've found it to be an engaging and enlightening read.  I've read it a few times over the years, although I haven't read it recently.  But the title of this book came to mind this week, and has stayed on my mind.  If you follow my blog you may have read an earlier post where I mentioned that a person in my life is struggling with addiction.  And, actually, I fear that another person I know may also be struggling with it.

I've been uneasy this week and not sleeping well.  Perhaps it's stress from work, perhaps it's related to these people suffering with addiction, or perhaps it's something else.  I'm not totally sure.  One thing I do know, however, is that meditation has been an invaluable aid in calming me.  If I didn't practice meditation I doubt whether I'd be able to function in the world.  Most writers have active imaginations and analytical minds; and what sometimes comes along with those attributes, at least in my case, is a racing and uncontrollable mind.  Some years ago I read a book called "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying".  It's a tremendous book that I recommend to anyone who has an interest in eastern philosophy and/or Buddhism.  I believe this is the book that gave me my first practical instruction in meditation.  It's actually really easy to do--but it takes discipline and concentration.  I won't go into techniques here--just Google it and you should find a wealth of information.

A Warrior Blends with Life.  What does that mean?  I often think of life as a series of rivers and patterns.  For instance, I was driving this morning and the illusory nature of reality felt palpable.  "How often do I take this drive?"  I asked myself.  "What am I thinking about while I do it?"  Then a thought struck me: "Will I remember any of this drive in five or ten years?"  "Will I look back fondly and wish I remembered it more vividly?"  "Will I feel like I'd pay any amount of money to come back to this day and re-live this drive with my family members?"  "What would I say to them?"  But I think that life is like a river.  You can try to grab a handful of water, but what good does it do?  It's best to accept the nature of the river, become a part of it, and never take it for granted.  When my mind wanders I can find myself disturbingly disconnected from what is happening around me.  Sometimes I like to let my mind wander, but there is always a price to be paid when one "tunes out" from the Now.  You miss things.

So maybe "blending with life" means that we should try to discard unnecessary thoughts and focus our attention on our journey and on Now.  We all have to plan and analyze, but our minds can be undisciplined.  Meditation helps me to control my overactive mind and blend with life; and by blending with life I'm able to be at peace with it, and try to experience it in all of its richness.

Still, even armed with an invaluable tool like meditation, we all face moments of crisis where nothing we do seems to alleviate our suffering.  Intoxication of any kind can distract us from suffering.  I think the constructive purpose of intoxication is to allow us to temporarily step aside from reality so that we can consider it from a new perspective--to let our mind's eye float above the river--looking down on it, and thinking about where we've been and where we can go.  I believe it is meant to be a quasi shamanic experience.  And I think it can become dangerous when it is engaged in with habitual frequency.  The insidious thing about intoxication is it seems harmless until suddenly it isn't.  How many of us can recognize that tipping point?  My friends struggling with addiction couldn't.  I think the addict begins to think that the flying is as real as the floating on the river.  Though they still perceive their real selves floating below them in the water--still subject to the eddies and currents (the implications of their actions)--they continue to remain in a disconnected state.

A Warrior Blends with Life.  Please stay in the river.  Don't make a habit of flying too often; and when you do, do it for the right reasons.  Just some humble advice from someone who, by my own admission, is ignorant and stumbling in the darkness.  But I haven't fallen into any deep pits yet, and I am trying to light my candle.

The Danger of Fantasy

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Fantasy can be used as a tool to help one navigate the passage from the comfortable cocoon of childhood and adolescence to the (at times) stark reality of adulthood.  Fantasy frames what could be perceived as the pointless and brutal struggle of living in the more comforting terms of an epic quest.  Fantasy, when used according to its greatest purpose, helps people cope with and interpret reality: it adds meaning to their lives, enriching them.  

But is there a dark side to fantasy?  I'm afraid the answer is yes.  An overindulgence in fantasy can leave a person un-moored from the realities of life.  And this can cause people to turn toward negative behaviors like addiction.  By overindulging in fantasy I believe a person gradually replaces a foundation of empirical reality with one based on imagination.  Instead of fantasy providing a frame of reference for reality, it becomes a false reality. 

Unfortunately, I'm fairly certain I've witnessed a person traveling down this negative path.  This experience is probably the reason why I haven't written much in recent days.  It's hard when a person that you cherish and that you feel is composed of similar "DNA" to your own comes off the rails of life.  Because of this, I've been doing a lot of soul searching to reassure myself that I'm not heading down a self-delusional path myself.

I've emerged from this recent "funk" with renewed confidence that a moderate indulgence in fantasy is indeed virtuous.  But I also now have a direct understanding that overindulgence can be very dangerous.  I'm still thinking about what impact these recent experiences will have on my fantasy writing.  I've thought of a few things already--and they will be "baked" into Hemlock Book III (both consciously and unconsciously).

In the meantime, if you are a lover of fantasy like I am, just make sure to keep your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds.  Whatever your reality is--it's fundamentally OK.  Even if you're in an adverse environment--it's best to accept that fact and chart a course toward better climes.  Fantasy can help you chart that course, and to persevere while on your quest.  Use it wisely and in moderation, and be careful out there.

Interstitial

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I am taking a bit of a break from writing, and settling into a routine of work, socializing, and playing a really addictive video game (Minecraft multi-player).  I am still "working" on the next Hemlock novel though.  I have been getting a lot of ideas for the story and dutifully writing them all down.  At some point soon I will probably work up a formal outline of the plot and character arcs and try to pull all of my ideas together into  something cohesive.  But this next step probably won't happen until the fall.  I'm just in one of those interstitial phases where I need to re-charge my writing batteries.

I'm not sure if other writers take extended breaks like this.  But I know I'm just not ready to begin writing the new novel yet.  I tend to need a break between big projects.  And I'm loathe to get too distracted by side writing projects because I *am* working on the next Hemlock novel in the sense that I am in the process of  imagining it.  I've blogged about how I come up with story ideas before, so I won't go into detail about that other than saying that it feels more like a process of discovery than a process of invention.  And the discovery process just takes some time...

So I don't have a lot to report about writing other than to say that I am very excited about finally writing Hemlock III despite not being in much of a hurry to actually begin writing it.  It's going to deliver in terms of wrapping up Hemlock's story.  But (and this was a revelation to me last week) it may not be the end of Hemlock's story.  There could be additional books beyond III.  But III is going to represent a major, major resolution to the conflicts in the series.  Anything that comes beyond Book III will have to be something of a "reboot" of the "universe".  But it will be possible.  And only a week before I was convinced it wouldn't be! So I did get some new ideas, obviously.

I hope you are having a good summer wherever you are!